Man what a day. Started my day off on a really emotional note. I noticed she was acting weird and I asked her why, and when she told me, it felt like i got hit by a train. It was totally unexpected, but I understand that she has her thoughts and feelings too. I had her come over and reassured her about everything. I hate seeing her like that, seeing her upset, crying, feeling insecure, I love her, and she’s perfect for me, and there’s no one else I would rather have in my life. She’s the ultimate girlfriend, the ultimate best friend, and she reassures me, makes me feel comfortable in my skin, and I feel loved. I always want her to feel 100%, on top of the world, do whatever, and know that at the end of the day, I’ll love her just like the very beginning. She’s all I ever wanted, and I used to doubt to myself that I could never get someone like her, but she loves me and accepts me, and I ALWAYS want her to feel the same, and to see her hurt, and crying, it hurts. I hate seeing her cry, because it makes me want to cry, seeing my mom, and her cry, those are the two things I hate the most. Whenever she cries, I have to try EXTREMELY hard not to cry, because I know if I do it’ll upset her more, I think I do a good job of reassuring her and making her feel better. I love you to death, and you’re perfect for me, and you’re everything I wanted, and you’re the ultimate best friend, and you make me feel like I’m in my own little world and like I’m the fucking king. I love you Emily, and don’t ever feel down, or feel like you’re not good enough, because honestly, dude, I’ve never had something so good in my life.
You make me happy dude. I used to think that I wasn’t good enough, that I was stupid, that all the smartness and successfulness went to my brother, and I got stuck with the shortness, uglyness, and stupidness. I used to hate school, I used to feel alone, like I had no friends, like I couldn’t be myself, because I didn’t have guy friends, and I felt like I couldn’t be myself because girls wouldn’t like my personality, and I’m already ugly so why would they like me? (lol haha) I used to hate school and I thought it was pointless because my GPA dropped freshman year, and I thought I was too stupid to turn it around. I turned to weed to find friends, and to feel happy, and feel like nothing mattered. I used to go to school to go through the motions, and make sure I did good enough to get a c-. When you came into my life, I completely turned my life around. You motivated me to push ahead, to turn my shit around, to actually do my work, you made me believe that I was smart enough, you gave me encouragement to turn my academic life around. And look at me now. I know my grades aren’t impressive, but you help me break a bad habbit, that no one could help me get out of, my parents, my brother, money, rewards, none of that helped. But you did. You gave me the feeling of acceptance. I knew that at the end of the day, no matter how many ugly faces, no matter how many times i laughed so stupidly and ugly, no matter how immature and hyper I acted, I knew that at the end of the day you’d still be around. Having you be there, gave me the confidence to step out of my comfort zone, be super friendly to people, not care who talked shit, do the STUPIDEST, most IMMATURE, and border line gay shit, and you’d still be around. You gave me the confidence to be myself, and make friends.
I love you dude, you helped me turn everything around. And when you came to me crying and telling me how you felt, I absolutely hated it. Not because I hate that you get upset, I just hate seeing you feeling like you’re not good enough, and all that other stuff, because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I honestly thought that I’d never be able to make you my girlfriend because I never had a long relationship before. And I thought you were too pretty, and that I was too ugly, and I thought that you were out of my league. You’re perfect for me, you’re a total catch, a complete package, and even though you have your insecurities, (which is normal), I have mine too. I have just as many as you do, but I learned to push it aside, and not pay attention to them, because I know that you accept me and love me for who I am, 100%. And I want you to know. That I’m in love with you, your personality, your body, your face, your family, everything. And at the end of the day, whenever you’re feeling insecure, just imagine all your insecurities, are written on a $20 dollar bill, and no matter how hard I try to look for it, I will never see them, find them, or notice them. Because like the $20 dollar bill I lost in my car, I’ll never notice them.
I love you dude!
Happy almost 7th month